November 2012, then again, the world will blow up and who cares

Sometimes I feel like if I were able to gamble on politics I would be a very rich man. Me and every other cynical person out there. But if I were breaking down the 2012 Presidential Election and analyzing the Republican contenders, I would talk about the top five Republicans in the Straw Poll at the Southern Christian Leadership Conference as well as some other contenders.

And y’know I don’t think it is too early to start talking about the republican nominees. Because in gearing up for the 2008 election, everyone was spreading all kinds of rumors about who was going to run for president, was it Hillary, was it Barack, etc, etc, at this same point in time in the presidency when we look at the 2012 election.

But y’know these predictions are somewhat ludicrous to make right now. Given the current political climate it is very unlikely that any Republican contender will be able to challenge Barack if the election were to happen today. But honestly I can’t predict what the President will be able to accomplish or if an international news story will break about Obama praying to Allah (WTF? Or something just as devastating but more believable). So that’s why I’m going to just rag on the current GOP contenders, because there’s already so many things stacked against all of these people that they’d be hard-pressed to get over the steaming BS they’d piled so high. I might as well just give a rundown on why none of these people are capable of running the country at all. They are all dumber than your average bear, believe in a lot of crazy stuff that would ruin the country, and have all been trumped up as popular candidates because of all the things in the news about them these days.

Sarah Palin: half-term governor, failed VP nominee for a trainwreck of a campaign, annoying “hockey mom”. Come on, you know it’s too easy to bag on her. She has a gaffe list a mile long and her name itself is at the heart of so many scandals. She is the most brainless of all the candidates.

Newt Gingrich: extreme, crotchety, past-his-prime-oh-wait-he-never-had-one, failure. Hawkish.

Ron Paul: right on some issues but has no understanding of economics and is adamant about it

Mitt Romney: annoying family values conservative who reminds me of Reagan 2.0: more religious, more bereft of intelligence, more boring, quite possibly more wives

Bobby Jindal: the candidate favored among, and I use this term very loosely, “intellectual Republicans”. I call this guy the hawk in disguise, but I don’t think he has enough popular support and I think that he might piss off some Rednecks.